Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles
by Tegen
Summary: A look at what a Muggle Studies lesson might be like. An unusual story format. Please read an review.


**Title: **Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles

**Author:** Tegen

**Disclaimer**: I don't own a thing.

**Authors Note:** I was, for some reason, inspired to write this after reading chapter 2 of Captain Corelli's Mandolin. I wanted to try something different. Any reviews are appreciated; please tell me whether or not this is a load of crap, and whether I should ever be allowed to write again. It's only short…

**Chapter one:**

Hello! Welcome to Muggle Studies, I am Professor Chapman and I will be teaching you about the Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles over the next year. I see you each have a copy of the textbook; please get it out if you haven't already. Don't you think Wilhelm Wigworthy is such a great man? He spent a year living with Muggles without his wand, a year I tell you! I wish I had such a chance but, alas, it shall never be!

Right, lets see, so you're third years and this is your first lesson? Yes? All right then, you have chosen a truly fascinating subject. Muggles are astonishing creatures. Yes? Hermione, is it? No, no I don't mean to be offensive by calling them creatures; they're just not wizards, are they?

Anyway, where was I? Thank you Jones, Muggles are indeed an intriguing bunch, it is amazing how they get along without the use of magic, and as the year progresses we shall learn much about how they do this. Now I have a friend called Arthur Weasley, he may be able to bring in his collection of plugs, fantastic, is it not? Truly fantastic! Plugs are the things that enable electronic things to work, I'm not quite sure how exactly. It's a true shame that Hogwarts does not have electricity; think of what the lessons would be like then! We could see how things such as the television and the microwave work!

So is anyone Muggleborn? I can't believe I forgot to ask. Granger and Peterson, is that all…oh… It must be such an interesting life, have you ever used a telephone? What? You have a mobile phone, Peterson? What's that? How can a phone be mobile? You must show it to us next lesson. You left it at home, oh…oh dear, shame that, really. Never mind.

Well, if everyone wants to turn to chapter one we shall start. I can't believe how much we have delayed already! Chapter one…No Bones, you cannot go and fetch your book, you'll just have to share. Chapter one… chapter one: what is a Muggle and where can I find one? Yes, Granger we have to start with the basics, not everyone is as lucky as you. Goyle! Don't laugh! Why did you take Muggle Studies when all you are going to do is laugh about it? It is a very important subject, I'll have you know. What do you MEAN no other classes would have you?

Getting back to the subject, Muggles are non-magical folk, in other words those who have know nothing of magic and its way…YES, Peterson? I fully understand they have their own type of magic, but its not magic _magic_, is it? It's just a trick, an illusion. Any other interruptions? Yes? No? All right then, we can find Muggles everywhere, though not in Hogsmede, they usually dwell in houses in a community, either a Hamlet, village, town, or city. I couldn't convince the Headmaster to let us have a trip to Muggle London, so we'll have to use our imagination. Are you laughing again Goyle? I do not like your attitude! Now, out! Don't look at me like that. You're lucky I'm not going to see your head of year.

Right, calm down. As I was saying, Muggles live in houses that are often quite alike to ours; brick built, four walls, two storeys, though all possess electricity. Do you know what? I was talking to a friend the other day and we got on to the subject of electricity and I said, "Do you think I'd be able to have electricity installed?" and he said, "I think it might be a bit complicated." And I said, being a Muggle Studies teacher and all, "But don't you think it would be worth it?" So we agreed and called an electricity guy out (I got to use a telephone!), he's a person who sorts out electricity…bit like an…er…well… I can't quite think of something to compare it with. They're called elecktricians? Really? I never knew that, thank you. Granger. Any way, the _elecktrician_ said it would be a lot of work; that he'd have to dig trenches to be able to run the cables through and then have to run cables through the walls and through the ceiling to fit lights. And I said, "Can't you just fit a plug socket?" and he said, "What are you on? Drugs or something? A socket ain't gonna do anything if it's not connected to a power source-"

_Yes, Peterson_ there is a point to this story, you've just ruined it now, but the point is; all things Muggle are not as simple as they look. Bones, read the first paragraph for me would you?

Wonderful reading, truly wonderful! Muggles are very similar to wizards, except they can't use magic. There social life is pretty similar, though I have heard they have a tendency to binge-drink when they want to drown their sorrows, British Muggles especially, quite…yes, Granger? WHAT? NO. Will you read the second paragraph for me? And then I want you all to answer the questions at the bottom of page five. Have you seen this nifty Muggle Pen I got for Christmas? Not interested? Ahem, anyway on with the questions…

Oh goodness gracious me! Look at the time! I hope you've enjoyed the lesson. Pack away and go as soon as you're able to and I shall see you all tomorrow. Where's Granger gone? I didn't see her leave. Well, goodbye, next lesson we shall move onto Muggle transportation and how Muggles visit each other. Goodbye now, cheerio! Nice to meet you all!

Are they gone? Bloody sods, ruining my perfectly good story. Kids these days, they've lost all the enthusiasm.

The End


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